it's just been one of those days

Time to get serious. Uh Oh. This is only because I felt like I have spent the majority of the day crying….WOOOPS! (If you know me well, then whatever...you know that it is just another day in the life of Jill Ablott : ) But I guess that it is okay considering I am halfway across the world in a completely unfamiliar place surrounded by things that break my heart with every turn of my head (well, this is my justification for being emotional, anyway). But regardless of the crying, I had a great great day today and I just feel like I should blog about it. (Plus, it helps me to process days like today)

I started my day by walking to New Life Home (which if you do not remember is a home for HIV/AIDS babies and toddlers). Currently there are 22 infants, about 10 toddlers, and 9 special needs children (who are older). A wonderful fact at New Life is that almost all of the infants and toddlers get adopted and a few get reunited with their biological families. A very sad fact is that those 9 special needs children in the home right now have been there since birth because no one has adopted them and they cannot be reunited with their biological families.

I spent my morning with these precious kiddos in the Special Needs Unit and I was overcome with many emotions (woops again). I was full of sadness over the fact that they have no real mom or dad, overwhelmed that they have been in an orphanage since birth and some are now 8 and 9 years old. However, I was also overcome with happiness because of the pure and simple joy that they find in everything. Also so thankful that they have had a place like New Life to grow up in and be healthy and grow strong with people who care about them. I tip my hat to all the individuals that do this work, day in and day out.  So anyway, that was my morning…(I will talk more about New Life at a later date aaand put some pictures up of the kids).

Then Connie, a wonderful missionary woman from Texas that I have met through Julie (who I will talk more about later as well because her and her husband and that work that they do are awesommmmee!), came and picked me up to go to a Bible Study. This study consists of a group of missionary women who are in Kisumu (or surrounding areas) that meet once a week on Thursday afternoons. Today’s topic was death. We read about the story of Jesus raising Lazarus from the dead in John 11. To be honest, I have read that story many times and was sort of hoping for something “more” during this meeting. Ha, ya right…by the end of Bible study I had turned into an emotional wreck again (okay, not really a wreck at all, but you know what I mean).  We talked about the differences in mourning practices between cultures and individuals and how different people deal with death. Then we talked about how each of us deals with death. Many of the women shared stories of their own and how they dealt with it and then how they have grown from that. 

This is mainly why I was emotional: One of the ladies shared a story about an event that just happened last week to a very dear friend. She has good friends from another town in Kenya. Their 2 year-old son was very very sick, so they were heading to a hospital in Eldoret (another town in Kenya). As they were driving down the road, they were stopped and ambushed by robbers. The men took the family out of the vehicle, and beat them horribly and took everything they had. The young boy who was ill was hooked up to oxygen, and in the midst of all of this, they unhooked his oxygen and he passed away before the family was able to do anything. 

These things happen here, and they happen often. Yes, things similar to this happen in the U.S. but the prevalence of these events in Kenya is scary. In a situation like this it is so easy to question God. It is so easy to be angry at God. For the longest time, I always had the mindset that it is NOT okay to be mad at God. God is good and He is sovereign…therefore, it is wrong to be upset at him. However, I recently read the book “Same Kind of Different As Me” (if you have the chance, I highly recommend it). It is the true account of an international art dealer, a homeless man, and a woman who forever changed both of their lives. Anyway, since I am suggesting this book to all of you, I will try not to spoil anything. In this story, a man experiences a large amount of pain and suffering. Something that he said in his book during his journey has completely changed my outlook and my feelings surrounding death. He says, “I cannot mask my profound disappointment that God did not answer yes to our prayers for healing. I think He’s okay with that. One of the phrases us evangelicals like to throw around is that ‘Christianity is not a religion; It’s a relationship.’ I believe that, which is why I know that when my faith was shattered and I raged against Him, He still accepted me. And even though I have penciled a black mark in His column, I can be honest about it. That’s what a relationship is all about.” 

How cool! Maybe everyone reading this blog doesn’t necessarily agree with this statement, but it was so profound to me today. John 11:35 says, “Jesus wept.” One of the most powerful verses in the Bible. I believe that Jesus loved Martha and Mary so much that when he saw them hurting, he was also so hurt. We serve a very compassionate God and I believe that although he allows tragedy to happen, he does suffer with us as we suffer. But I also believe that by Jesus being “deeply moved in His spirit and greatly troubled,” (John 11:33), he is, in a way, giving us permission to be upset with Him. Giving us permission to question how he could let something so terrible happen because He is feeling that pain right along side of us. It is okay because in the end, through tragedy, if we cling to the hope of Christ, His glory shines brighter than the sun! (John 11:4)

Anyway, back to the story of the family who was beaten and whose son was killed recently. The father had a New Testament Bible in his wallet thing that they took from him and one of the things he said after all was said and done was that he was thankful for the opportunity to minister to those robbers. WOAH! I honestly have to say that I do not think there would be ANY way that I would be able to say that…even years after the incident. However, he chose instead to glorify God through this terrible event. The father recognized the reality that although his son’s life was cut very short and although he probably felt as though he had received a death sentence himself, He was able to rely on God, who raises people from the dead, rather than relying on himself or another human being (2 Corinthians 1:9). And ultimately, through a situation that I can’t even bear to imagine going through myself, God was given ALL the glory.

Death here in Kisumu and in Kenya in general (and very broadly, Africa as well) is such a daily occurrence. Being in a country that is home to one of the world’s harshest HIV/AIDS epidemics, where children without families roam about on the streets with nothing to eat or drink, where the words “health care” mean nothing to the people, I find myself surrounded by death.  But in the midst of it all, I find myself thinking of the words to a good ol’ Sandi Patti song that a friend reminded me of that says, “I’ve just seen Jesus. All that I’d done before won’t matter anymore.” If I could shout this from the rooftop for all of Kisumu (and Kenya, and the whole world), I would and I would pray that the people would cling to the hope that we are given in Christ! Maybe I should just play a little Carrie Underwood, "Temporary Home,"out my window tonight ; )

I am sorry for such a downer blog (but hopefully it wasn’t a downer at all…because my intention was quite the opposite!) Like I mentioned, today was just one of those days and I felt like I should write about it. I am glad I did because it has caused me to take a step back and examine different areas of my own life. I am thankful for the things that I see daily that soften my hardened heart and humble me at the foot of the Cross. I pray that I can be a light to at least ONE person while here in Kisumu, as I know that many Kenyans have already been a light to me. 

P.S. I am sorry that there is a lack of pictures on this blog…like I said, I was just regurgitating (sorry, gross word choice) the day that I had. This blog probably doesn’t even make any sense or have any direction. Woops again! But anyway, as far as pictures go, I will do better in my next blog. But here are a few just for fun!

little kids with some big time muscles : )

This is me cooking Ugali (the stuff I strongly dislike). It is so thick that I couldn't even continue to stir it anymore.

Julie and I at dinner at John and Connie's

okay, so I was walking down the road and I saw this lizard/gecko/iguana thing climbing up a tree. It was the brightest blue and green that I could ever imagine and the thing was sitting in line with the sun and it was literally sparkling. Unfortunately, the little booger was too fast and I couldn't capture it in all of its beauty.

The preschool class "taking tea." Ha, seriously, everyday at 10:30 they take tea. So cute and funny and random.